He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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