im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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