I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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