i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
