she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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