I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I bet he comes in French.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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