I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
