I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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