Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
