Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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