i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
