planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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