shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize