I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
