i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I need a beard to bite.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
