I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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