you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize