She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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