Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
