I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?