i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
