I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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