My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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