i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You pole danced in your parka.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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