Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
