We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can't trust your balls anymore.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
