you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
