At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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