I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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