He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
