If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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