Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
