Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
