I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
