Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
