This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
