They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
