i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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