my mouth tastes like poor choices
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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