At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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