oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
