I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
