So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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