Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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