.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
