i jhust puked up my retainher.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
