I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
