did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize