I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
