i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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