Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
