I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
