Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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