I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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