Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
