you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
