Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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