I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
