this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
