I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
