She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
