I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
