apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
