i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
false alarm. still invincible.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
