Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
