im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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