thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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