He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
