You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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