You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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