Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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