how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
